Congratulations! You’ve made it! Welcome to the Office, your home for 5 days a week for the next 40 years. This is the land of Excel sheets and Presentations. This is where you have never-ending meetings and a coffee machine which is now your best friend.
Let me introduce you to some of the prominent citizens
Every Office has this one person who knows everything about everyone: Who got fired, who got hired, who is dating who and who is still in the closet. The Gossip is much like Twitter; they see you and begin to chirp. What goes round comes around; have fun with feeding The Gossip juicy tidbits of nothing and watch it spread like wildfire.
The Greek Narcissus may have been good looking, but there is no such stipulation for the Office Narcissist. This one is merely very fond of his work. Every moment not spent talking about their current achievement is a moment lost. They should come with a warning label: Take with a pinch of salt
You won’t forget your first meeting with The Skunk. This was when you wished your olfactory senses could be turned off. You also remember feeling vaguely terrified you would be seated next to them. They can never sneak up and spy on you. You could smell them a mile away!
How anyone can manage to look so good every day is beyond belief; you barely had time to pick out ironed clothes and are wearing mismatched socks. She has more makeup than a Sephora store and heels like Burj Khalifa; a whole new meaning for “look up to someone”
Our modern day Knight in a Suit with a Colgate smile has no trouble getting wok done. All it takes is a flash of those dimples anyways. You envy his straight back from behind your desk where you are hunched over a mountain of work.
College never ended for The Slacker. It’s always “chill dude, no big deal” with him while you run around red in the face trying to meet a deadline. His skills include talking nineteen to a dozen and hiding effectively when needed the most. He can be found in the pantry, the foosball table, the coffee machine or smokers lounge; just don’t look for him at his desk
You see them every morning, juggling 5 different Starbucks orders and every afternoon delivering the lunch pizzas. The rest of their day is spent balancing files and papers. This is the only person you can snigger at without getting into trouble. This is also the only person who has the time to play solitaire on their phone.
It’s the one department where you don’t remember the names, you just say “Hello IT!” and they reply with “Have you tried turning it off and on again?”
Also known as the Grim Reaper, and constantly hovers around. The Boss is never early, unless you are late and impressing The Boss is like trying to invent a cure for AIDS. The Boss always tells funny jokes one of which is your payslip.
You dread Mondays and love Fridays (Sundays and Thursdays if you live in the Gulf). You think weekends should last 5 days, and vacations shouldn’t end. You make mental lists of people you would kill someday, and day dream of when you will be boss. Your greatest pain in life is that no one notices what you did not do, until you didn’t do it.